Books and Dreams

Not a whole lot has been going on lately...haven't been talking to Blue much at all. Have been keeping up with him, of course, but...yeah.

He was doing pretty well--seemed like he wasn't doing anything, just avoiding it all even though he was still aware of it, and still kinda seeing in that mode.

Then the other day, I read his blog...

He bought a copy of the Necronomicon.

There is not a damn thing good in that book. I avoid that thing like it's the fucking plague. For me, it's like Voodoo.

I know enough about it to stay away from it.

But other than to say I don't like the book, I haven't talked to him about it.

Had a weird dream last night.

I went to bed, and I was feeling strange, so I visualized myself standing in utter darkness. Although I mentally described it as nothingness.

So I'm kneeling there, trying to shield--building a fire at my feet, and breathing--and slowly standing up as the fire rises.

Then I can feel the wings.

They rose above me--behind me--as if coming out of my own back. The membranes of them were the same deep, ruby red of the fire at my feet. I can't explain how I could see them when they were behind me, but I could. I turned around, and there he was.

He was fucking huge. The kind of huge where you can't even see all of him at once. The only color I could identify--and by that I mean all I could see (at least remember)--was the red of his wings. (It was definitely male)

I know he was talking to me. I know he had a very deep voice. I know he felt old. I know that he was amused and curious by/about me.

Then I feel this thing rub against my back like a big ole' cat. Y'know how they'll rub up against stuff--that long, rolling rub? Yeah.

It did that, and then, in a flash, it was sitting next to me like a dog, except it was the size of an over-large horse. Ronan. *rolls eyes*

I don't know how long we were there...what the big dragon told me, or what I said...before the dream broke, I felt a large hand--human--on the small of my back. I could feel the warmth of the hand, each finger and the palm practically burning its imprint on me.

It flexed against my skin, slid up once...and as soon as it fell away, the dream shattered.

That's all I remember....

Weird as fuck.

Ok ok ok ok

Seriously--I'm calm now.

I seriously think he's just delusional. I was swapping emails with a mutual friend, and this is one I sent her:

Well, a couple weeks ago, Sid and I were having a shielding session, and I was trying to shield with fire directly from the sun (this was during the night of full moon. real smart of me, huh?) and I felt something moving...we were "in" a clearing, one path leading out, and something was moving in the trees. Sid thought it was a wolf, and I told her it was too big and too non-furry to be a wolf. Turned out to be a dragon--and he's kinda stuck around with me over the past few weeks. He's big, obnoxious, sarcastic and a pain in my butt--but he has helped me with my shielding.

I mention this because my mother has a Dragon of her own, GrandSire--very old, Celestial dragon (I'm pretty sure he's my drak's --Ronan for future reference--grandfather. *sigh*) and I've told Blue about them before. Well, Blue now has a white tiger "totem" he believes is like Ronan and GrandSire and he's been going on and on about how the tiger is still young and learning but is on his way to being like Ronan and GrandSire, and how he and the tiger are "soul partners"----basically like two neighborhood kids who've grown up together, learn things together, just totem and human. And he thinks that's what Ro and I are, and what my mother and GrandSire are....and he's talking about how he thinks you have to have Celtic blood and you have to believe in this stuff to have a "soul partner." He gets that because my mother and I both have a large amount of Celt in our background and he's got some in his.

*bangs head on wall*

It's like "WTF???" Where does he GET this stuff? Seriously??

And the thing is, I really think he gets a lot of this stuff from his anime shows. It sounds stupid...probably because it is. But he used to watch a show that was about a kid and his "pet" WHITE TIGER. I haven't watched it--didn't interest me, but I bet if I did, it would have something about "soul partners" or whatever.

And late last week this happened:

He pissed me off beyond royally last week--I didn't talk to him at all for like 3 days. He emailed me here on _____, and said that he and his RL best friend were on MSN and he wanted me on there cuz they had "questions" and that I *had* to get on because he would just keep emailing me and bugging me.

So I got on, prepared to be annoyed, and he started talking about how in all the other major religions there was a Trinity of some sort--so what was our third? Y'know, God + Goddess + ???. He was asking me about power numbers (3,7,9,13 etc etc) and shit like that. I finally got pissed at him and told him that if he wasn't going to damn well listen to what I was telling him, then I had nothing more to say and I logged out of MSN.

I stopped being pissed at him later, but I told him that he needed to learn when he needs to stop pushing. You should have heard me ranting about that to Sid and Harley, man. I was pissed. He finally managed to push me beyond tolerance.

So basically--I'm avoiding him as much as possible on this subject.

On a kinda good kinda bad note: I'm going to the library tomorrow because I'm starting to get that lethargic feeling again, which means I need to be around ample, positive energy--ie. I need to feed.

(Gods, but the modern, skeptical part of me looks at that and goes, "You've been brainwashed haven't you?")

*rolls eyes*

Done.

Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.Done. Done.

Can't do it anymore....can't handle his shit...can't handle what he does to me with his questions...just can't...so I'm not...I'm done...fuck him....screw him.....

We're done.

"Musings" & Connections

Seriously, I am so tired of this shit.

I am having a DAMN hard time keeping myself from psy-smacking Blue into reality. He's got so many theories, but no foundation for them.

He keeps going on about soul partners--

Which are basically totemic spirits who stay with one soul and learn with them. Like, two kids who grow up together and stay in the same town their entire lives.

--and how he thinks that you have to have Celtic blood and you have to believe in this stuff to have a "soul partner." He, of course, believes that the Tiger who has supposedly been hanging out in his head is his "soul partner."

The fact that he has Celtic blood and a "soul partner," only enforces that idea.

The fact that my mother and I both have draks and are of Irish descent (heavy heritage) does not help my cause of getting him to freaking drop this shit.

I've gotten better at shielding...I think. I'm hoping. Harley tested my shields today, and told me I felt cold and kinda blue-ish-white.

Was using ice at the time.

I want my mom to try them out at some point soon--she's like the shielding guru. LOL

I think I forgot today that I needed to keep him out. After finding out about Maria, I was really raw today. I've never met Ashy face-to-face, but she's one of my best friends...one of the best people I've ever met. This had me down.

I didn't encourage Blue in this Celtic + Belief = "soul partners" thing.

Delusions of grandeur from novices do not a happy Mire make.

Because that is what he is. He has no training, no access to books, only his own imaginings and maybe a bit of power.

He has theories about 2012, he has theories about seeing the Lady, about his own "destiny," about....GAWDS.

Can someone please give me permission to SMACK him????????

Please???

This morning--had Ceri, Sid and Blue on MSN, so Sid could teach Ceri how to shield. Ceri's been wanting to learn and, really, she needs it. At the time, I kept getting kicked off my computer because it overheated...so I wasn't there for it, but Sid told me that he kept interrupting to ask her if she could try to break through his shields.

WTF??

First off: interrupting a "class" while someone else is learning something like shielding--which takes a bit of CONCENTRATION--is plain rude!

Second off: Sid happens to be a Shieldbreaker--as my mother, who would have BIG reason to know, called her--and asking her to break his shields is just...ugh. It's like asking a hungry Dragon if you can put your head in his mouth. Not particularly good for your health.

He supposedly has 2 layers on his shields. The first layer--which I have sensed--is a rainbow over a running brooke. ~_^ Yeah....sorry but that sounds more like pretty-factor than protection!

The second layer...is supposedly...*skeptical glance* a combination of all the elements and stuff into one shield that rests just above his skin.

Uhm....*raises hand* Let's stop right there.

You can't combine all the elements and have a stable, solid shield. PARTICULARLY, when you're a complete novice and have no real training or ability. (But he tells me that the shield made itself. *blink*) For one thing: You're putting too many volitile and OPPOSING elements into one stew.

Too much and too many and it boils over.

Oh, you can use Spirit--which is all of the elements and yet none of them. But that's different and it's not something Blue could do.

It's just...ugh.

And he thinks he's seen the Lady. Apparently, he was walking around the woods near his house--where the "things" are that keep "attacking his house" and that he "crushes" with his energy--and a "lady in white" was sitting on a tree stump. Supposedly, she was attacked by the "things" and she used "otherworldly power beyond mortals" to destroy the "things."

.....

Is anyone else going: "Uhm...rewind?"

Seriously, I am so fucking tired of this. I can't smack him and tell him to get back to Reality-Land, can't tell him that he's not powerful enough for some of this, that he needs to just FUCKING BACK OFF.

Why not?

Because he's my friend and I'm terrified of what he'd do.

Not that he'd hurt me. I've got Ronan, and thick-ass shields. I've had shields since I was...hell, practically since I was born, but they don't keep me protected from outside emotions and my own abilities.

They don't keep me from needing to feed--although my locks did lessen the hunger before they unlocked. hungrier than ever these days...accidentally feeding off of Sid and maybe Ceri, I think. I know I've fed off of Sid--she gave it willinginly, thank gods. But I'm not at all sure about Ceri....it's something I don't want to speculate about right now.

*sigh*

I'm sure I had more to say...more to rant about...more to purge...but all I can think about right now is going to bed, calling up a fire-shield around my bed and curling up in my head with Ronan.

I swear I'm not nutso, y'all.

I just believe in things most don't. *shrugs* Don't believe, or can't handle...leave.

Very simple, eh? =)

~Mireyah

Saying a Soft Prayer

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

Merry meet, merry part, and Merry meet again.

Blessed be, Maria.

**A good friend's very young daughter died Tuesday morning.**

Big, annoying, perfectionist

Not as young looking in the face, but this is pretty accurate. Much better than the red one I had up before. He's black, blue, and silver with purple strips in a few places.

His name is Ronan.

And he is annoying in a big-brother-gotta-protect-innocent-little-sister way.

He's got a fucked up sense of humor, and he won't let anything near me that hasn't passed "inspection."

Stupid...unlocked.........dragons........mental....gonna go nutso......abilities...grrrrrrrr

*grumblings of confusion*

He was here when I got home from the library.

I ignored him until my dad made me go out so he could apologize.

3 hours later he left.

I am so fucking confused right now. No idea what's going through my head....no clue how I feel....

It's easy with him sometimes.

Don't want to do this again.....

but......

*le sigh*